If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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