Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
