8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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