a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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