Having a random hookup so left but love u
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
