Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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