am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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