Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
