I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
