ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
