New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
