So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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