Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
