So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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