Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
