We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
No subtext here. People are naked.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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