i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Drunk is a universal language darling
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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