This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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