Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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