He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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