At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
