In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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