We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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