i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
