I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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