Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
