How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
