Sry I called you an 8
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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