He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
