I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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