Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
