I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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