I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
