Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
