my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
