Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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