dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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