So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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