he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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