It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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