You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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