her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
