He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
