CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My dick has a subreddit
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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