we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
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I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
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I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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