Ambien. No doubt about it.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
