I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
