It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
