Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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