so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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