nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
How does one acquire holy water?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize