if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
