Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
