Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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