So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
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he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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