He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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