I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
