Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
