I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
