"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
