I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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