Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
operation harelip BJ is a go
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
