wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
