Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
